Give Us This Day Prayer will bring my Will into Harmony with GOD!

I have never specifically prayed to God about something i really want. My prayers always tell HIM to look into my heart's desires and compare it with my needs and just give me enough. I never asked for anything that I REALLY WANT... I am always content with what comes... if what I REALLY WANT happens to be given.. then i consider that as a bonus already. I thought that was being selfless... but my friend told me.. our GOD is a very specific God... we must always ask HIM what we REALLY WANT... and HE will give it to us in HIS own time.....

so now.... allow me to be selfish.....

1. I want a new cellphone... any high end Sony Ericsson or Samsung.


If the time comes that i can buy that.... everything else will follow...... that is the time that i am at my most selfish!!!!

" there's a light in me that shines brightly... they can try but they can't take that away from me.... -- MARIAH CAREY "



i can only cry to express what i trully feel...
i can only hope that someday everything will fall into place....
i can only pray so that i can accept what i do not understand....
i can only let go the thing i try so hard to hold tight into my hands....

i can only believe.. that there's this light in me that shines brightly...... they can try but they can't take that away from me..............................

I always complain that everyone around doesn't understand me... but then i did a lot of things and said a lot of things the past few days that made me realize..... the people around me is not the problem.... tracing back the reason why i'm so miserable....... the root cause was me.... has always been ME.... it was me all the time....

I believe i am a good person and that in the deepest part of my heart, i only want what's best for everyone... and that i always try to be there for everyone who needs me and that there's no question that i will and i can do everything for those I love. But then how come i still drive those i love the most away from me... somewhere there's a problem for sure.... and it's not them.... it was me... IT IS ME!


The truth is, all the while pala... all this time pala, i am expecting.... hoping for something in return for everything i do. I am hoping for a reward...an appreciation... a pat on the back... a hug.. a kiss... a cnfirmation / affirmation for every good deed. Of course, when it doesn't happen, that's when i get sulky, moody and insecure. and that's not being good at all.. that's not being kind... that's downright being SELFISH!!! AND STUPID!!!!


Love should always be unconditional.... 1 Corinthians 13.... everything should and must go back to 1 Corinthians 13.....

I am a simple person who craves for love... who hopes for love.... and i try my best everyday and everytime to show love... but now i understand the reason why i fail and why I am still left behind... it's because i am selfish.


for now, the realization hurt.... and i want to keep quiet and reflect on my own.... for now i want to keep my mouth SHUT.... nothing good to say... better not talk.

My family.... taken some years ago... we were really complete back then.......





Well.... this is i guess the most latest pix of everyone.......



{ crying buckets of tears now!!!! }

Damsel in distress or Sirena sa Shangri La ( mermaid in Shangri la )..... yesterday was my first public humiliation exercise since i started working..... i slipped on the wet pavement of Shangri La mall Edsa, amidst the rushing crowd of employees rushing to go home..... i fell hard.... not bad but hard!!!! It was painful but not enough to knock me unconscious.... so embarassing!!!!

I could easily charge it to experience and forget about it.... i didn't break any bone and aside from the feeling of sore muscles, i don't even have a bruise.... but what i can't forget is that nobody...as in NOBODY dared to stop and ask me if i'm ok.... NOBODY offered help..... and that left me in tears and shaking on my way to the bus. But then again, i forced myself to understand, in the middle of the pouring rain, everybody's rushing under their umbrellas or jackets.. maybe, they didn't notice me. I can't go and judge the world just because of that small incident.... i have to understand... i need to understand that sometimes.... sometimes help just isn't there and i need to stand up on my own.


Lesson learned : i have learned that even if i am surrounded by a lot of people, there will be times that i will fall and i cannot rely on anyone to pick me up.... i have to find it in me, the courage and the strength to rise above the pain.


Happy Thought : I bought a new pair of flip flops!!!! to replace the old one that made me fall on the slippery pavement.... hehehehehe!!!!

The house in Quezon has always been home for me... this is where i find rest when i am most stressed out. I can always go home to Quezon and be pampered with mama's tender loving care.... hehehe... actually, it's the peacefulness and simplicity of the countryside..the clean air.... the feeling of being in touch with nature is so refreshing that i come back to the city relaxed and recharged.

however, so many things happened the past 3 years.... there's no more 'home' in Quezon... there's only a house, a house that sits idle covered by tall grass. it was mid 2005 when my whole family transferred here in Manila.... and then one event led to another and now it seemed, going back to live there once again seemed so impossible. that house just serve as storage of old things that we cannot fit inside my small apartment here.

we went back yesterday... looking at the house stirred a lot of memories in me..... the smell of food cooked the traditional way using dried wood.... the sound of our rusty old deep well..... the bark of my dogs cupcake, panget, tam and my dear old pig with identity crisis peachy pig..... the loud wail of my father when he accidentally hit his finger by a hammer the nth time.... our continuous bickering as who would go out to buy food from the store and who would wash the plates.... and so much more holiday memories because this is the time where we are really complete.


how can we ever move on? when there seems to be so much more to do. mama wanted to clean the house and restore it... but what's the point? are we ever coming back???

Brown

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.