{Big sigh!} Me and My Big Mouth part 2

| Posted on 8/08/2008 09:40:00 AM | Posted in

I always complain that everyone around doesn't understand me... but then i did a lot of things and said a lot of things the past few days that made me realize..... the people around me is not the problem.... tracing back the reason why i'm so miserable....... the root cause was me.... has always been ME.... it was me all the time....

I believe i am a good person and that in the deepest part of my heart, i only want what's best for everyone... and that i always try to be there for everyone who needs me and that there's no question that i will and i can do everything for those I love. But then how come i still drive those i love the most away from me... somewhere there's a problem for sure.... and it's not them.... it was me... IT IS ME!

The truth is, all the while pala... all this time pala, i am expecting.... hoping for something in return for everything i do. I am hoping for a reward...an appreciation... a pat on the back... a hug.. a kiss... a cnfirmation / affirmation for every good deed. Of course, when it doesn't happen, that's when i get sulky, moody and insecure. and that's not being good at all.. that's not being kind... that's downright being SELFISH!!! AND STUPID!!!!

Love should always be unconditional.... 1 Corinthians 13.... everything should and must go back to 1 Corinthians 13.....

I am a simple person who craves for love... who hopes for love.... and i try my best everyday and everytime to show love... but now i understand the reason why i fail and why I am still left behind... it's because i am selfish.

for now, the realization hurt.... and i want to keep quiet and reflect on my own.... for now i want to keep my mouth SHUT.... nothing good to say... better not talk.

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